Sun's Out, Guns Out

real America pit stop #1

Here’s what became of the nation after Jefferson Davis’ capture.

As we were checking out with our poetry books and postcards in Irwinville, John recommended we stop a few miles down the road at the Warner Robins location of Buc-ee’s for one of their big beef brisket sandwiches. We’d been seeing those billboards for miles and decided to give it a try, especially since we left our cooler on the kitchen floor in Jacksonville in the rush to get going that morning.

Buc-ee’s turned out to be an enormous junk merchandise vendor, patriotic gift shop, and meat-centric cafeteria. The huge parking lot was full, a line of cars waited to get in and out, and the roar of people buying stuff could be heard from out front. We scrambled over the top and fought our way into the moving wall of America shirts and Trump hats. I lost a hair clip but couldn’t stop to pick it up, the throng was so thick.

We tried the chopped brisket and pulled pork. Three days later, I’m mad with thirst and think some marshmallow bun might be stuck to the roof of my mouth.

The Wall of Jerky is famous.

Bags of sugar-forward corn things that look like cheese puffs are called Beaver Nuggets.

Unbreakable car cups and wine tumblers are embossed with guns and overtly threatening phrases.

This is where you can get a shellacked tree slice for mom and an indestructible cooler for dad.

We didn’t stay long. I went to the clothing section while my husband inspected what were supposed to be “the cleanest restrooms in America.”

"Southern Attitude"

Checking out, I asked the cashier how she would describe this place to someone who hadn’t been there. She had never thought about this. After giggling a while and repeating my question to her co-worker, she told me that Buc-ee’s is “a big travel plaza advertised by a beaver.” Here’s what became of the nation after Jefferson Davis’ capture.

We waited in line to exit the parking lot and drove on to our next stop: the world’s largest Confederate monument.